Just as we all know that Bayern Munich are champions-in-waiting of the Bundesliga, by now, everyone is aware Nigeria’s economy is in a recession.
As is usually the case in most countries going through a recession, people tend to strike off many things on their spending list in a bid to cut costs and save more money. So that you, our wonderful friends and fans, won’t even think of ruling out watching football as subscription for cable TV may now well be a luxury, we came up with three ways your relationship with the beautiful game can survive the economic recession.
Throw away your decoder and visit a bar
Why waste money on subscription when you can watch games for as low as N100 every weekend? How? I’m glad you asked. Oya, listen. It’s a simple trick.
First, go scouting in your hood and find a bar or restaurant where league games are aired every weekend. Found one? Good. Every weekend (at least until the recession is over), walk in at the start of every game and act like you are waiting for someone. If you act right, nobody will bother you about buying drinks and so you can at least see the first 30 minutes of the game without spending a dime. Look at your watch at intervals and ask yourself loudly: ‘where is this guy sef?’ or ‘why are people never on time?’.
If you’re practicing for a career in Nollywood, make a fake phone call to nobody and sound angry at the nobody for being late.
After 30 minutes, put up an act like you’ve been disappointed and the nobody you’re waiting for never showed, call the waiter and buy a small bottle of malt. Now—don’t forget this part—request for a straw. If you like let them give you glass cup, that’s a rookie mistake. If you use your straw right, you can sip your precious bottle of malt for at least four hours (don’t ask me how I know).
Rinse and repeat the trick every weekend but at different bars and that’s it. Quality football and banter delivered at a very low price.
Start patronizing viewing centers
This is another sure way to get some football action without paying over the top. In fact, you’re likely to get more than you paid for. In viewing centers, you won’t just watch football, you’ll get free analysis from other guys in the viewing center who fancy a career as a pundit on SuperSport. If you want to save even more money, don’t enter the viewing center at the start of the game. Instead, walk in at half time and pay half the price. At the end of the game, wait and watch all the highlights.
Ride solo
Drastic times call for drastic measures. To ensure that your relationship with football (which can never break your heart except you’re an Arsenal fan) survives this very trying, recessionary period, you have to be willing to take bold steps: so break up with your bae. Think about how much money you’ll save. No more spending on ice cream and pizza (when there’s garri at home). On the long run, ask yourself: who bae don epp?
Above all, do not panic. Because in the famous words of our finance minister (who disowns Twitter accounts faster than Moyes destroys good teams), at the end of the day, recession is just a word.
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